The Top 10 Christmas Movies, That Aren’t About Christmas.

It happens every holiday season.

You’re at home, you’re surrounded by family or friends.  You turn on the television and turn off your brain.  The stations have all been automated over the holidays and all the classics are set on a perpetual loop.  We all get treated to the classics like all six Star Wars on Spike, or all of the Lord of the Rings (Director’s Cut) on Teletoon, or whatever is in our DvD libraries.

To help you through all the awesomeness that is the holiday home movie season, we’ve compiled a list of The Top 10 Christmas Movies, That Aren’t About Christmas.

 

#10. Trading Places

It is a movie that still holds value today.  Two guys try make it in a dog eat dog world, and old white rich guys still do whatever they want.  The Duke brothers propose a wager to see what happens when two people, who are on opposite financial spectrum, switch lives.

It has all the great aspects of the anti-Christmas movie, revenge, fraud, and attempted murder, while taking place in Manhattan during the most joyous time of year.

If you loved Eddie Murphy, back when he was funny, and Dan Aykroyd before he got crazy, then Trading Places is a Christmas movie for you.

 

#9. The Long Kiss Goodnight

The first on our list of Shane Black’s Christmas movies.  Why does he like making movies around Christmas, but not about Christmas?  Regardless, the movies he makes are amazing.

The Long Kiss Goodnight is a perfect mix of Samuel L. Jackson, high jinx action scenes and a bad-ass female heroine.  Geena Davis (who kills someone via pie,) is trying to remember her past.  She can’t remember much after washing up on a beach in New Jersey.  As she begins to discover her lethal skills, the private investigator she hired discovers that she’s a trained C.I.A. assassin.

Turn your brain off and enjoy the action filled last half of the movie.  The scene where Davis and Jackson jump out of a building and shoot a hole into a river is action gold.

 

#8. Lethal Weapon

 I’m getting too old for this shit, Lethal Weapon.  Seriously though, I promise there’s only one more Shane Black movie on this list, and it was made in this decade.

It’s a classic and you should find it on most U.S. stations at some point during the holiday.  Riggs and Murtaugh are the definition of the buddy cop genre.  It also launched a thousand tropes from, “I’m getting too old for this,” all the way to sliding across a car hood and wise cracking at drug dealers.

Ahhh the 80’s, put your feet up and throw back some eggnog, it’s a holiday treat.

 

#7.  Rocky IV

Rocky IV is considered the best Rocky film.  It is the epic fight of East vs. West, back when that kind of thing mattered.  If you haven’t seen it, look for TBS or Spike to show it, or find it on Netflix.  It’s also a great warm up for The Expendables or The Expendables 2.

Rocky takes on his biggest opponent, Drago.  It is a literal fight between the United States and Russia.  Who can forget when Rocky and Drago squares off in the ring and we hear, “I must break you.”

It’s chest thumping and flag waving, and it’s a great movie to sit down and waste a Sunday afternoon with during the holidays.

 

#6.  Ironman 3

I swear, this is the last Shane Black movie.  It’s also one that was made past the year 2010.

The eccentric Tony Stark shows us all what PTSD looks like after the attack on New York.  It does what Marvel does so well, it shows us heroes with flaws.  He takes on the Mandarin and learns to deal with his anxiety and the potential loss of friends.

If you’re looking for a fix before Captain America: The Winter Soldier or you’re looking for a complimenting gift to an Avengers movie bundle, Ironman 3 is the perfect movie for you.  It isn’t on Netflix yet, so you’ll have to either get it as a gift or pick it up on your own.

I can’t wait for Tony Stark to star in the Robert Downey Jr. bio pic.

 

#5.  Batman Returns

There are some movies that will always stick with us.  There are some movies that we can quote endlessly, and there are some movies that we just have on in the background.  Batman Returns is a little of all three.

Our dear Dark Knight is back in Tim Burton’s sequel.  Latex was in and armoured nipples weren’t.  In the classic dual villain team up, Catwoman and the Penguin try to bring down the caped crusader.  Let us not forget to mention Christopher Walken, playing corporate mastermind Max Shreck.

Before the growling voice, and before all the neon, Batman had some great movies made.  It’s hard to turn the television off, when this movie comes on.

 

#4  Ghostbusters 2

“Hey, she’s tough, she’s a harbour chick!” Oh, Dr. Venkman, how we miss you.  As we climb into the high rankings on the list, Ghostbusters 2 is all about nostalgia and the hero’s journey.

The team reunites to take on a terrible spirit locked in painting.  Vigo the Carpathian is trying to take Manhattan, and he needs Sigourney Weaver’s baby to do it.  Who you gonna call?  Not N.Y.C. Child Services, that’s for sure.  The Ghostbusters fight with the last pure thing they can find in New York, human spirit and some pink ooze.

This is also one of those movies that forever changes how we remember a song.  After watching the Statue of Liberty march down 5th Avenue, can anyone listen to Higher and Higher in a different way?

 

#3 Home Alone

If you want to see two bumbling burglars get mauled, maimed and humiliated, then Home Alone is the movie for you.  It will be shown in marathon sessions across numerous networks this season.

Poor Marv and Harry get bruised and burned for our entertainment.  As Kevin Mcallister comes up with more Wylie E. Coyote-esque traps and gadgets, the spirit of Christmas falls away like paint cans flung from a railing.  We all laugh at the results.  It’s addictive, it’s intoxicating to see the bad guys get it.  Home Alone 2 could be on this list, but it’d be almost the same movie twice.  We have to go back to where it all started and give credit where credit is due.

Besides, the health care in Chicago is pretty good, right?

 

#2 Gremlins

If there’s one lesson to learn from Gremlins, it’s this: Someone will always break the rules.  This is one of the first Christmas movies to be slotted into the horror category.  It’s an unusual mix, but Spielbergian at it’s heart.

We all fall in love with Gizmo.  We all sympathize when he starts to multiply and then we are all horrified when those leather pods start to crack open.  People get killed in terrible ways in this movie, at Christmas.  It doesn’t get as much air time as the other movies in this list, but it should.

If you want to scare yourself this holiday season, then picture every purse dog you see shopping this year as a mogwai.  How many times do you think that thing gets fed after midnight?

 

#1 Die Hard

You knew it was coming.  It is the best.  If you disagree, I’ll count to three, there will not be a four.

That’s it for our Top 10 Christmas Movies, That Aren’t About Christmas list.  Is there a movie we missed?  Is there a movie that doesn’t belong on the list?  Too much 80’s?  Not enough 80’s?  Do you want to see the rankings adjusted at all?  Does Shane Black need to make a movie set during the summer?  Let us know in the comments below or tweet us.

If you’re in Toronto on Friday December 20th, 2013, stop by The Royal Movie Theater on College St. West.  They are showing Lethal Weapon and Gremlins.    It all starts at 7 p.m., check out the schedule for further details.

We hope you all have an amazing holiday season, and don’t forget to turn your brain off and relax this year.  We’ll all probably be watching the same movies at the same time, regardless of where we are in the world.