The Mighty Malfeasor: Toronto’s Very First Supervillain?

It was a quiet day on Craigslist, nothing out of the ordinary…until someone made the mistake of posting in search of a Sidekick. I may have just stumbled upon the beginning of something awesome.

The request was simple.

Hello fellow Torontonians!

I am in need of a sidekick. A partner. Another person willing to be by my side in times of galactic crisis and boredom. I am a smooth talking, Caucasian male aged 23 with very expressive eyebrows. You must look good beside me, but not dominate a photograph and ultimately make me look better in comparison.

I am not looking for a wingman as my girlfriend is satisfactory, but instead someone willing to watch cartoons, play video games, build forts, re-enact scenes from Star Wars and end evenings in drinking bouts. I can accommodate. Should my female require you to boost her self-esteem you may try, and likewise.

You:
-Man(Under 30)
-Must enjoy: Modern Family, Film making, Animation, Pumpkin Pie(Apple will suffice), Coffee!
-Games(Not the sex kind)
-Hygienic(Please don’t smell)

Serious inquiries only.

And oh, was there ever an inquiry. I expected the reply to be something like, “LOL GET A LIFE BRO”. I was gravely mistaken.

To The Seeker of a Sidekick:

It has come to my attention that your endeavours to enlist the services of a registered Sidekick ™ is in contravention of The 1971 Superpowered Armistice Act, which prevents any Party from shifting the balance of SuperPower to any one favor.

Historically, individuals and/or organizations employing the use of the Sidekick ™ are of the “Do-Goody-Two-Shoes” heroic variety. This flagrant action to increase the statistical number of those that would stand against Galactic Crisis leaves me no choice but to activate The Destruct Sequence Clause One 1A of Subsection 42, which hereby authorizes me to assume the post of your Arch-Nemesis.

From this day forward i shall be known as The Mighty Malfeasor©. The part of my Missfeasor will be played by my girlfriend, Lady Bonestrong®.

I now retire to the environs of my Evil Lair, where i shall assemble my henchmen to join me in watching Evil cartoons, playing Evil videogames and re-enacting scenes from Star Trek (easily the greatest of all the Stars). Rest assured, ample time will be spent plotting the destruction of you and anyone with your Sidekick ™-bearing hips.

I regret that we meet this way; you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, i could have called you ‘friend’.

vengefully petulant regards,
The Mighty Malfeasor© and his Missfeasor, Lady Bonestrong®

Um…heck yes? I’ll be keeping tabs on this SO HARD. And of course I’ll be posting them here.

…I really hope Malfeasor gets a reply.